Saturday, March 3, 2012

Who i am is You.

Small, is what i am.
Small, is how i feel when i look into the sky at night and realize that i am simply a speck a dust in comparesion to the universe.
Great is who i am.
Great is when i am proud to be myself.
Nasty is who i am.
Nasty when i shut my eyes to think.
Proud is how i am.
Proud to show my achomplishments off in search of praise.
Childish is who i am.
Childish when i feel disgusting becuase i see a beautiful blond hair girl and compare her to me curly haired mess, and suddenly feel a hatered for the both of us.
Stupid is who i am.
Stupid when laying in bed with my two best friends laughing at absolutly nothing.
Selfish is who i am.
Selfish when i stole and ipod and cell phone only to end up in court with a five hunder dollar fine.
Possibility is who i am.
The Possibility to do anything i want to.
Autum is who i am.
Autum and the dry yellow and orange leave that fall off tree and make me feel at peace with the world.
You is who i am.
You is who i love.
You are someone who could make me a better person just by looking at me.
You are the one i want simply because you are my best friend.

Sunday, February 19, 2012



OKAY! don't judge me when i say this just give me a chance to explain myself, so tonight i went to see a movie with my best friend, THE VOW, you know it wasn't that bad actually, but what was bad about this movie is how it made me look at the adults in my life and every couple i have EVER seen, and realize that love really is not like what you see in the movies.... well at least i think so? when i look at adults all i see is the same old thing everyday, and it just seems so.......normal. And as much as i hate to admit it i love every little cheesy, romantic, beautiful line in the movie i just saw tonight, and with every smile i caught myself giving to this ridiculously unrealistic movie i felt so common and plain, and i felt  like every other girl in the world who wants a happily ever after like the movies but is to scared to admit because we are smarter than that and we know it probably wont happen like how we imagined it when we were five playing with our barbies. well what ever "LOVE" is suposed to feel like i can deffinatley wait hahaha as tempting as it is to have a boy friend right now my fresh man year of high school and fool myself into thinking we might actually fall in love and all that shit i can deffinatly wait.....well at least wait till i understand what love really is and not just what i want it to be.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

You're only as sick as your secrets. ~Author Unknown

i have secrets. secrets i would only tell if a gun was pressed up agaisnts my head. And even then, i would spit them out of my mouth as if i had an option besides death. People say i will open up as i get older, but who really knows, i am at the young age of 15 and like most 15 year olds i am confused. I wonder if what i am doing is right, and sometimes i want to do the wrong thing just because i know its wrong. And when it comes to my secrets, i have billions.... and it starts with the small things like taking the peice of candy from your teachers desk in first grade, or when you saw or experienced something that will never be spoken of again, or the thoughts in your head you would never say in front of your mother, or anyone. If people shared their secrets more often i think we would be surprised to see how alike we all really are. The problem is as much as people say it is cool to be diffrent (and dont get me wrong it is) no one wants to be misunderstood and rejected for who they really are. And when it comes down to it, we all have moments when we turn nasty, ugly, needy, and pathetic on the inside but does that really define who we are? NO, but sadly that is what people see. Because people like to feel that they are normal, and it makes sense if you only see the bad things about people because it makes you feel like you are better than them. But the reality is, we need to stop being so selfish and realize that everyone has feelings. Yes i know it sounds so simple but often taken for granite....espcially in high school. But if you just looked at people flaws as a unique part of them, or gave a little extra effort to be nice to your enemy....I turly belive life would be so much more beautiful, and i am not a hippi or anything i just think i have a pretty good out look on life, and i have my ups, downs, breakups, makeups, mistakes, loves, break downs, selfish, moments just like everyone, and i just want to share my life and hopefully inspire and touch the hearts of those who read this.